And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize