i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize