ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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