I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
