Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
