No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
