Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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