i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
