We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Bring me that man meat
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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