Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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