its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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