i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
MIDGETS
????
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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