And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
