I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
