Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
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I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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