just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
