Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
