you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
