I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
