I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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