I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
