Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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