I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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