You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
