Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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