I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
