another moral hangover. fuck.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
