hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize