:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
