You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize