Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
