I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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