did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
