Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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