Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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