You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Couch. On fire.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
