i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
