Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize