I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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