hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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