is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
