i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
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Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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