dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just high enough for therapy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize