I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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