i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's shark week go big or go home
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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