Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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