I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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