I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize