I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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