Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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